I Might Still Be in Luton If Not For the Web

Some of my American friends, knowing that I do so much on the Internet, think that I must use it to keep in touch with friends and family in England. The truth is, with the exception of my Brother, who got his first computer just a month or two back, very few of them have access to the Internet. Or if they do, they rarely use it. So, having been online since before the widespread use of the World Wide Web (I was around in the days of online Bulletin Board Systems), I've been a bit of a pioneer.


As I've written elsewhere, I met my American Wife (while I was living in my home town of Luton, England) through a mutual love of American folk music. We were both on a discussion group for singer-songwriter Dar Williams, when she e-mailed me about something I said on the group. A friendship grew over the Internet, which turned into love.


When we married, I moved here, and while I was waiting for a work permit, I took an online course to keep my computer skills up to date. A chance e-mail to my instructor led to him employing me. I've worked for the company for around ten years.


These days, I have made many friends through the Internet, on sites like Twitter and Facebook. Using e-mail, the Web and Social Media sites has helped me with my work for local nonprofit and community groups. Of course, it has enabled me to write my blog, which is a welcomed creative outlet. I'm grateful too, that I have a small group of faithful readers, scattered around the globe


As someone who has always been a little shy, I do believe that if it wasn't for the Internet, I might still be living in my home town of Luton.

Interview With an Englishman

In a recent post, I mentioned that I'd been interviewed for Cindy's Country Corner, a blog I often enjoy reading. Cindy has now posted the interview on her blog. She's a former newspaper editor, and her experience shows, since she managed to ask me a great set of questions that prompted me to share quite a bit.

Read the interview here.

Susan Boyle - Scottish Singing Sensation Shows 'Em!

Last Saturday, on British TV talent show Britain's Got Talent, an unassuming 47-year-old-woman with a frumpy figure, unruly hair, bushy eyebrows and wearing a fairly unattractive dress, was laughed at as she strutted out on stage for an audition. As she answered the judges' questions before her performance (with some degree of sassiness, I might add), they pulled faces, the audience giggled and muttered and hosts Ant and Dec mugged from the wings. Before she had finished her first line (she was singing I Dreamed A Dream from Les Misérables), everyone had stopped laughing, and many were gasping, cheering and clapping. If you have not seen it yourself already, please check out the YouTube video (I don't do this usually with links, but if you select this link, it'll open the video in a new window, so you can keep on reading).

If you are anything like me, you may have had shivers running up your spine when Ms. Boyle started singing. At the time of writing this, close to 14 Million people have watched the above YouTube clip. From surprising a panel of cocky judges on a talent show, that unassuming 47-year-old woman from a small town in Scotland has progressed to wowing the World. Apparently, she is already in talks with Judge Simon Cowell's Sony BMG record label. Even celebrity couple Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher got in on the act, when it was widely reported that the two had sent the following messages to each other on Twitter:

Kutcher: This just made my night.
Moore: You saw it made me teary.

So where has Susan Boyle been all these years? According to the Daily Mirror, she was bullied as a child, due to her fuzzy hair, and a learning difficulty caused by being starved of oxygen during birth. She found comfort in singing. After taking part in choirs and concerts while at school, she graduated to playing clubs and pubs. She is well-known locally for singing karaoke. A spell at Edinburgh Acting School in the 90's was cut short when she had to look after her sick Mother (her Father died ten years ago). It was her Mother who wanted Susan to enter Britain's Got Talent. Ms. Boyle has eight older siblings, and still lives in the same house as she grew up in, with a ten year old cat named Pebbles. Although things are likely to change very soon, she was unemployed and volunteered for her church. She claims never to have been kissed.

I think that what has captured the world's imagination is not just her voice, which is fantastic, but the fact that it comes from such an unlikely source. Mark Smith, in Scottish Newspaper The Herald says that people like Susan "stand out because everyone on television now has the same face, the same hair and the same teeth. Someone on the programme might make this point one day, but it's unlikely anyone would hear them over the tearjerking violin music being played over slow-motion clips of Susan smiling."

I think the danger is that some "image expert" will try to change Ms. Boyle, and that will spoil the magic. To a degree this process may already be starting. Apparently, judge Piers Morgan ordered a film crew to film in a neighboring town rather than Boyle's hometown Blackburn, which Morgan branded "a dump," according to newspaper The Scotsman.

I would love to hear your thoughts on Susan Boyle, her amazing performance, and her future. Please do post a comment.

The Center - Renewing a Sense of Community

In my recent blog post How I Got To Know My Community by Getting Involved, I described the origins of a nonprofit group I have been a member of since I moved to the US, The Center For Community Renewal. I wanted to describe a little more about what "The Center" has done over its history, because unfortunately, the organization could soon fold.

The Mission Statement of The Center is "Foster and support local, grassroots initiatives that strengthen communities and neighborhoods by providing financial, volunteer, educational and consulting resources not readily available elsewhere." Ian Durand, the Executive Director, brought together a group of local people who were involved with different nonprofit groups in the area. Our meetings often consisted of brainstorming sessions where we discussed projects of our own respective organizations or of others, and how to solve some of the problems that arose. Because the members have always had a wide range of experience, wonderful symbiotic relationships developed. Whatever the problem or challenge, there was usually someone who had found an answer, had good information to share, or could come up with some good ideas.

We initiated our own projects. Among the most successful were several series of "mini-grants." These were small awards of up to $500 made to a local organization or individual in order to get a grassroots project going. The recipients of these grants had a great idea that would generally help to foster a sense of community, but were not likely to receive money from elsewhere. Ideally, we wanted the awards to help get a project off the ground in a way that could be sustained. We also offered the recipients advice and support.

One such project, "Heavenly Angels," started with a very detailed application from its founder, Linda Seickel, for under $100 for materials (yarn, etc.). Linda wanted to make clothes, blankets and related items for premature babies in local hospitals and burial gowns for those who had died. We asked her what she might be able to do with $500. Eight years later, Heavenly Angels has made and donated well over twenty thousand items. Another recipient was a woman who wanted to put together and give "kitchen start-up kits" to households in Manville, NJ who had lost everything in Hurricane Floyd.

Another project of The Center was something we called "Passport to Edison." This was a weekend event designed to help familiarize Edisonians with the different parts of our Town and local organizations. We set up "checkpoints" at places of significance around Edison Township. Collaborating with different township groups, we "stamped the passports" of people traveling around town, the idea being to collect all the stamps. We produced a guidebook to Edison to accompany this event.

A few years ago, Ian Durand and his Wife April Cormaci decided to move to Canada. Up until now, The Center has survived, but in a much scaled-down version. Members have taken turns to facilitate meetings. We did offer a round of mini-grants, and organized a round-table discussion and networking event for local groups. However, without Ian and April at the helm, there have been problems. The couple supported the organization financially, so when they moved, our group was without a revenue stream. In addition, we are so heavily involved with our own projects and organizations that we are unable to devote the amount of time The Center deserves.

At the most recent meeting, we started discussing whether to continue The Center or not. It is looking like the Center may not be around for much longer. I am personally very upset about this, as we have done some wonderful things, but I can see that without a dedicated leader and a revenue stream, it really cannot continue in its current form.

I am already thinking about the possibility of starting another group or project to keep the spirit of The Center alive. I want to preserve some of the best parts of the organization. This would probably include offering small grants to great projects that might not otherwise get grant money, and creating opportunities for nonprofit organizations, community groups and individuals to build useful relationships with one another. Of course, it would need to be financed in some way. There is also the issue of people having the time to participate. It is possible that there could be a role for Social Media and other ways for people to get involved virtually.

I would love to hear your opinions or any input you might have about this idea. Please post a comment.

Adjusting To a New Community - Hannah's Story

A Guest Post by Hannah Katsman from A Mother in Israel.

I met Graham via Twitter and our mutual friend @leoraw from Here in Highland Park. On Twitter, Graham asked others to share the role that organizations play in cross-cultural adjustment. I offered to write about my experience immigrating to Israel from the U.S. with my husband and oldest child eighteen years ago.

Moving across the street takes a period of adjustment. Moving across cultures takes a lifetime. I went from being someone whom others consulted, to asking for help with the simplest tasks. When do the stores open? Where do I get a driver's license? How do I open a bag of milk?

Operating in a new language added another layer of difficulty. I spoke and read Hebrew. Yet I found I couldn't argue with the bank manager, or make small talk with the woman in the elevator. I could tell that the news was reporting on a sports game, but didn't catch which team won. Unless someone took pity on me, I had to ask for help or remain frustrated.

Besides my husband, who worked long hours, his aunt and uncle were the only people I knew in town. In the US I had many friends and could make new ones with confidence.Now I was an outsider, and forming new friendships took effort.Still, I made it a priority.

Humans want to feel needed, not needy. And the best way to feel needed is to become part of a community or group where you can contribute your time and skills to others. I was lucky to have a ready-made community that welcomed me.

A few days after I arrived a woman named Annie brought me to a talk at the local English-speaking chapter of a women's organization. The next time I was called about a program, I offered to make phone calls. It didn't take long for someone to invite me to join the chapter's committee where we organized meetings and fund-raisers, and had a great time. Annie and the women I met there are still my closest friends in Israel. They are my community and substitute family.

I reached another level of inclusion ten years later, after training to work as a volunteer breastfeeding counselor. Helping mothers allowed me to connect to women on a basic level and to overcome linguistic and cultural barriers. I remember when I ran into a native Israeli mother who had recently discussed her difficulties with me. She smiled warmly and held out her hand to take mine. At that moment I did not feel like an outsider.

I wish I could report that the warmth she shared remained with me until today. But after eighteen years the "Israeli" mentality can still drive me crazy. There are days I miss my family and old friends and wonder whether I will ever "belong." Then I remember that everyone feels misunderstood, displaced, or lonely at times. And I recall that through my role in local organizations I have made a difference (I hope) in the lives of others in my new, imperfect country. And that has made the difference for me.

Thank you, Graham, for giving me the chance to share my story.

You can read more about cultural adjustment, mothering, Israel and the Jewish community at my blog, A Mother in Israel. Or follow me on Twitter: @mominisrael

---

For those who want to read more from Hannah, here are a few posts from her blog that I particularly recommend:

Cultural Differences

Interview: A Christian Mother in Israel

Your Daughter is Smart, But . . .

Between Two and Four

When Neglect is "Normal"

As always, I'd love to hear from you. I'll make sure that Hannah sees any comments you leave here for her. Also, I'd like to hear from others who are living in a country other than the one they were brought up in. I'm thinking of starting a little guest post and/or interview feature.

How I Got To Know My Community by Getting Involved

As I have written before, when I first moved to the United States in 1998, I was unable to work, since I was awaiting approval of my work permit. I didn't relish watching daytime soaps until I could work, so I started looking around to see what was happening in my new hometown. One day, I spotted a newspaper article about a local organization called "The Center For Community Renewal." I was intrigued, but a little wary that the group might be full of right-wing nutjobs who wanted to gentrify the town. The article included a telephone number, so I decided to call up to get a feel for the organization and what they were doing.

The person I talked to invited me to the group's next meeting, and I accepted. When I attended, I found a roomful of ordinary people, mostly involved with other local nonprofit and community groups. What they had in common was a feeling that Edison, New Jersey, along with many other places was suffering from a lack of community. Led by a Husband and Wife team, Ian Durand and April Cormaci, the group was brainstorming ideas about projects and programs that they thought might help foster a renewed sense of community.

Being part of this group led to a number of things for me. The people, in what was usually referred to just as "The Center," represented a wide range of people in the area, and I found out a lot about Edison very quickly. I made some excellent friends, people who are still friends today. It also got me involved with The Friends of the Edison Public Library, of which I am now President and my Wife is on the board. Above all, I found it an excellent way to connect to my adopted home. I would personally recommend that anyone moving into a new community try finding a local organization to join.

I would be negligent if I talked about my involvement with The Center For Community Renewal without saying a little about this unique and wonderful group and its origins.

In 1997, a friend told Ian Durand that he was not fulfilling his potential, and challenged him to come up with something completely different from anything he had done before. What Ian, a Canadian by birth but a longtime resident of Edison, came up with some months later was The Center. Many meetings with friends and family ensued. In a weird twist of fate, Ian's daughter was driving along a major road in Edison when she spotted a wallet. She stopped to pick it up and found contact details in it. The wallet was returned to its owner, a man named Dock Houk, founder of The National Heritage Foundation. In appreciation, Dock set up The Center as a non-profit under the umbrella of his organization and donated $1000 to get it started.

In Early 1999, Ian and his Wife April took a course during which they were challenged to create a major project unlike anything they had done before. Ian came up with a "Family Fun Day" in a local park. April came up with the idea of a huge book sale. That's the point at which I came in. "The Edison Book and Arts Fair" was the first of many local projects in which I became involved.

Have you joined a local organization as a way to get to know a new community? Have you found other ways to help with this process? If so, we would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment.

Let it snow!

Yesterday I had to cancel a board meeting of the Friends of the Edison, NJ Public Library (of which I am president) because of the snow. The snow was not particularly bad but we were expecting more in the late afternoon and early evening, and it was going to be very cold. Some of the members are seniors, and some have mobility issues. In addition, we did not have a whole lot to talk about, so to drag everyone out seemed a little foolish. Some schools in Edison closed or were opening a little later than usual. My daughter's preschool was operating as normal, however, so I took a push broom to my van, while warming it up, so I could pick her up (my Wife takes her in).



I admit it, I hate snow intensely and always have. I seem to recall telling other kids at school that I was allergic to snow, in an attempt to put them off pelting me with snowballs. Here in New Jersey, the summers are warmer than England (and more humid), and the winters are colder, so I have to live with it. At least I work from home, so I rarely have to go out in the snow. My Wife, brought up in Michigan, does not have any problem with the snow, or driving in it. On a recent trip to my Mother-in-Law's in Grand Rapids, Michigan for Christmas, I drove the non-snowy parts. My Wife drove the parts of the journey where the snow was worse - with me sitting white-knuckled in the passenger seat. I remember on my first trip to visit my in-laws that my Wife took the car up a very steep snow-covered hill a few blocks away from the family home, just for a lark, with me panicking all the way. My four-year old daughter has inherited my Wife's snow-genes, as she regularly demonstrates when we arrive home in the snow, and she takes off into the back yard to frolic. I am usually standing on the back step yelling for her to come back in.

Britain, especially England, is not used to much snow. However, it has had some the last few days. As is usual when Britain gets snow, the country pretty much stopped. Airports and other transportation closed down and so did the schools. Snow shut down London. The media was full of it. There were stories about how to cope with the snow (complete with ridicule from colder, snowier countries). Website Londonist had the headline Snow Bonkersness. The Daily Mail, in typical Daily Mail fashion, focused on business leaders' anger at school closures with their story entitled Frozen out by health and safety: Third day off lessons as schools close 'because children might get ice in their eyes'. There were sad stories, and there were plenty of wonderful photos.

The reason why Britain is never prepared for the snow is purely down to economics. It is because it hardly ever happens. Those same Daily Mail readers would have thrown a hissy-fit if a few weeks ago, Boris Johnson (The Mayor of London) had been spending money on snowploughs or if the railway services had increased fares in order to buy equipment for de-icing the rails.

Are you a snow-fan or snow-wimp? Are you going to be out in it, or inside drinking hot-chocolate? Please let me know by posting a comment.

Library Love

When I first moved to the USA, I did not yet have a work-permit (it would take a few months to be approved), and I was worried about becoming bored being home all day, while my then fiancee was at work. I desperately did not want to be vegging out in front of daytime TV. I was not driving at that time (for the reason why, please see my entry: Cops, Cars and a Cuppa - my first visit to the US (part 2)), so there was a limit to where I could get. I discovered that my nearest public library was within walking distance, so the first thing I did on my very first day by myself in the US was to visit my local branch, apply for a library card and look around.

Not being used to the way these types of organizations work in the US, it was a little confusing at first, especially as the first librarian I encountered was a little less than helpful. Fortunately, I got through the ordeal, and before long, I was the proud carrier of my first US library card.

Although I've been a book lover all my life, I didn't spend a lot of time in public libraries in England, with the exception of the mobile library (bookmobile) that I spent a lot of time in as a child. That was to change once I moved to Edison, New Jersey. I became so involved with my local library that I soon became an active member of my local Friends of the Library group, a nonprofit organization formed to support the activities of the library by supplementing the dwindling public funding they receive. I'm now proud to be the President of that group.

Libraries can be a great source of information, education and entertainment for new US residents. English as a second language (ESL) classes, information about immigration procedures, help and resources for finding jobs, computers with Internet access, expert reference librarians, as well as programs, newspapers, books and movies are among typical library offerings. Our libraries are especially important in times of economic hardship, the very time when public funding is usually reduced. There was a great piece recently on the Diane Rehm radio show about this.

I was alarmed to read today about the imminent CPSIA laws, which looked set to prevent us from selling used children's books at our annual fundraising book sales. Fortunately, a public outcry to the ambiguously worded and poorly publicized laws resulted in a clarification by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, and it looks like it will not affect our sales after all. Still, there may be implications for libraries because new books do seem to be included in these regulations.

How Much?

Many of you will be familiar with the early days of a "serious" relationship. It can be quite an expensive time, since you have not yet settled into the humdrum routine of spending nights watching TV, getting the recycling ready to go out, and so on. Instead, you're going out to restaurants and doing lots of fun stuff. Now imagine what this period might be like for a long-distance relationship.

When B. and I figured out that yes, we were dating, there was certainly some sticker-shock involved. We both, of course, made quite a few transatlantic flights. B's parents and one of her sisters came to Ireland for a vacation with some genealogy thrown in, and B. came with them for part of the trip, so one of my cheaper flights was to Dublin to meet the family. I discovered it pays to complain about poor service. On one of my trips to the US, there was not only a delay followed by a cancellation, but it was handled terribly by staff; a letter to head-office resulted in a free flight.

One of my regular trips was so we could go to the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival held in July in upstate New York. This festival is very special to us. Along with many other wonderful artists, we got to see Dar Williams, who was responsible for our relationship in the first place (she did find out about it, and has been very good to us over the years!). We became festival volunteers together, which not only made it a relatively cheap date, but also brought us together with a wonderful "family." Falcon Ridge was so dear to us that it also became the place where I proposed to B, in a solar shower stall in our campsite (yes, were were fully clothed, and yes, I got down on one knee, even though it was wet). Despite the surroundings, B. said yes!

And then there were the phone calls. Advice to anyone embarking on a long-distance relationship: Make sure you get on a calling plan QUICK! B. and I were calling each other just about every day. B's first phone bill after we started phoning each other regularly was enormous. But she got monthly bills. Mine came quarterly! Once we got onto sensible international calling plans, things were not so bad. I'm an early-morning person, and B's a night-owl, so the five hour time difference worked well for us; we'd call each other at Midnight Eastern Time, which was 5am in the UK. We'd talk for a while before I got ready for work.

Any idea how much it costs to import a husband? The story of our dealings with the INS will wait for another day.