I Might Still Be in Luton If Not For the Web

Some of my American friends, knowing that I do so much on the Internet, think that I must use it to keep in touch with friends and family in England. The truth is, with the exception of my Brother, who got his first computer just a month or two back, very few of them have access to the Internet. Or if they do, they rarely use it. So, having been online since before the widespread use of the World Wide Web (I was around in the days of online Bulletin Board Systems), I've been a bit of a pioneer.


As I've written elsewhere, I met my American Wife (while I was living in my home town of Luton, England) through a mutual love of American folk music. We were both on a discussion group for singer-songwriter Dar Williams, when she e-mailed me about something I said on the group. A friendship grew over the Internet, which turned into love.


When we married, I moved here, and while I was waiting for a work permit, I took an online course to keep my computer skills up to date. A chance e-mail to my instructor led to him employing me. I've worked for the company for around ten years.


These days, I have made many friends through the Internet, on sites like Twitter and Facebook. Using e-mail, the Web and Social Media sites has helped me with my work for local nonprofit and community groups. Of course, it has enabled me to write my blog, which is a welcomed creative outlet. I'm grateful too, that I have a small group of faithful readers, scattered around the globe


As someone who has always been a little shy, I do believe that if it wasn't for the Internet, I might still be living in my home town of Luton.

How Much?

Many of you will be familiar with the early days of a "serious" relationship. It can be quite an expensive time, since you have not yet settled into the humdrum routine of spending nights watching TV, getting the recycling ready to go out, and so on. Instead, you're going out to restaurants and doing lots of fun stuff. Now imagine what this period might be like for a long-distance relationship.

When B. and I figured out that yes, we were dating, there was certainly some sticker-shock involved. We both, of course, made quite a few transatlantic flights. B's parents and one of her sisters came to Ireland for a vacation with some genealogy thrown in, and B. came with them for part of the trip, so one of my cheaper flights was to Dublin to meet the family. I discovered it pays to complain about poor service. On one of my trips to the US, there was not only a delay followed by a cancellation, but it was handled terribly by staff; a letter to head-office resulted in a free flight.

One of my regular trips was so we could go to the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival held in July in upstate New York. This festival is very special to us. Along with many other wonderful artists, we got to see Dar Williams, who was responsible for our relationship in the first place (she did find out about it, and has been very good to us over the years!). We became festival volunteers together, which not only made it a relatively cheap date, but also brought us together with a wonderful "family." Falcon Ridge was so dear to us that it also became the place where I proposed to B, in a solar shower stall in our campsite (yes, were were fully clothed, and yes, I got down on one knee, even though it was wet). Despite the surroundings, B. said yes!

And then there were the phone calls. Advice to anyone embarking on a long-distance relationship: Make sure you get on a calling plan QUICK! B. and I were calling each other just about every day. B's first phone bill after we started phoning each other regularly was enormous. But she got monthly bills. Mine came quarterly! Once we got onto sensible international calling plans, things were not so bad. I'm an early-morning person, and B's a night-owl, so the five hour time difference worked well for us; we'd call each other at Midnight Eastern Time, which was 5am in the UK. We'd talk for a while before I got ready for work.

Any idea how much it costs to import a husband? The story of our dealings with the INS will wait for another day.

How did you two meet?

When I start talking with someone for the first time and they hear my accent, the first question they usually ask is "Where do you come from?" The second is "What brings you over here?", to which I usually answer "My Wife." The third question is usually "How did you two meet?" So in true American TV series style, here's a quick summary:

Previously in Graham's Life.....

Graham inexplicably develops a taste for English folk music, regularly going to folk festivals, such as The Cambridge Folk Festival, where one year he hears a new American singer-songwriter called Dar Williams. He starts listening to American Folk Music and joins the Dar List, an e-mail based discussion group for fans of Dar Williams. He starts posting on a fairly regular basis. He receives an e-mail one day from an American woman living in New Jersey commenting on something he'd posted to the list. Let's call her "B." Graham and B start e-mailing each other on a fairly regular basis, and a friendship ensues.

In these pre-IM/Chat-room days, Graham decides to start an IRC channel, so that like-minded fans can get together on Friday nights and chat. Despite it being a lively place, Graham and B often find themselves still chatting with each other through the night and into the morning. Something is going on here.

One Friday evening on IRC, with only Graham and a New Zealander still around, B mentions that she has a spare ticket for a local folk concert, and jokingly wonders if anyone wants to come with her. Graham calls her bluff and says sure....